Rishte Mildeyaan De

 #RishteMildeyaanDe 

Can three words change a person? 

Years ago, I was reading a book of Punjabi proverbs. A simple, 3-word proverb was: Rishte Mildeyaan De – A relationship needs to be nurtured through constant contact. 

Until that moment, I believed in “Picking up where we left off”. Of course the proverb was wrong! Or, for a different time. 

But somehow, I started thinking about all my relationships – the ones in which we stayed in touch (mostly because the other person made the effort) and ones where we “picked up where we left off”. And realised that there was a distinct difference in the quality of these two kinds. Where we met consistently, the relationships were deeper, easier. Even though we picked up where we left off, these friends, who were once my closest confidantes, did not know about the large events in life.  They weren’t there when it happened and then later, it made no sense to bring it up. 

The change was not overnight. But slowly, I became the person who calls up. The person who says, “It’s been a while. Let’s meet!”. The person who organises group parties, group meetups. The person who calls to wish Happy Birthday, instead of texting. 

As an introvert, I expected the change to be painful. Surprisingly, it was the exact opposite. Each of these friendships was dear to me. Therefore, every touch point (stroke), every meeting, was a source of happiness rather than stress. There was no ‘coming out of one’s comfort zone’. Intimate conversations with close friends WAS my comfort zone.  

When a friend does not make time to meet, I still give it three shots before respecting their decision. 

Without exaggeration, this one change has, I think, made the most difference to my happiness. When people talk about the loneliness epidemic, I feel very grateful to the person who compiled that book of Punjabi proverbs and put that simple proverb there. 

Did one phrase or sentence, ever lead to a transformative change for you? Do Tell.