That late self realisation

As a child, I used to be very distracted. It was easy to remember things, but really hard to focus! 

Like, I would be listening to my teacher explain the chapter in class, but my fingers would be writing poetry at the back of the book instead of making notes as she wanted us to do. The teacher would stop in the middle and ask me a question about the lesson. I would give the right answer. The teacher would have a flicker of self-doubt on her face. but would go back to explaining the chapter. I could never write those notes as intended!!! This happened most in History, English, and Hindi - all my favorite subjects, making the guilt index soar even more. 

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Many years later, in office, I would get bored in meetings and conferences. So, while other people nodded sagely at the speaker, I would pick up a pad and start designing dresses and furniture. The meeting/conference and its sounds would be in the background and my focus would be on the dress being drawn - its colours, materials, thickness of piping and type of lace. 

But at the end of the meeting, I would make the Minutes accurately and ask relevant questions. Folks who could see I was distracted would not know how to get back. It was true. I was distracted. All the time. 

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Until, one day, I realised, that the distraction was not distraction. It was a memory technique! When I look at the doodle, I can remember every single word that was said in the meeting. What's more, I can remember what was being said by who as each line was being drawn. All I had to do was to go over the doodle in the order in which it was drawn. Each leaf, each border, each silhouette, and each shading pencil stroke brought alive the words being spoken in the background. 

And that was how I accepted my lifelong distraction. Instead of feeling guilty about "being somewhere else", I started feeling comfortable in my skin. From being the person who is always distracted, I accepted self as the person who is "differently attentive". 

Why am I writing this now? 

Many of us find young people who are distracted or in their own worlds. I was blessed with a kind world. Teachers who never scolded for incomplete notebooks, nor suspected me of cheating when the marks came ok. Colleagues who saw me draw on and managers who did not say anything. Even I did not realise that the doodling was helping remember until much, much later. So, I kept judging myself for being so distracted all the time.  

I would like the post to perhaps create a kinder world for someone out there. Even if they have not yet figured it out, maybe its something that helps? 

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On an unrelated note, this could be the reason, but I didn't realise it then, or for the next 30 years: 

One day, I started a self-paced course on speed reading. In those days, these courses were delivered via books. The book started with FAQs before delving into the techniques. One of the questions was - 

Will it affect my comprehension if I speed read? 

The answer: 

If you are not understanding, it is not speed reading. Reading implies comprehension. But, speed reading will not reduce your comprehension, it will increase it! The human brain is capable of much more action than our senses can give it. When you read at 250 words per minute, your brain has free capacity to be distracted and therefore you may not understand so well. When you are reading at 2000 words per minute, there is no capacity for distraction. Therefore, you will understand BETTER. 

That seemed contrarian, but I tried it anyway, and realised that it was right!! At 1500 wpm, I was understanding better, but was also exhausted at the end of the reading.